“No, it’s a Pilsner, NOT a lager”
“I love how you sniffed it just now”, she said to me across the table, “like a wine expert”.
She was half of the self-proclaimed vino sisters who shared a table with us. Like-a-wine-expert, I repeated slowly in my head.
“We’re proper p*ssheads” proclaimed the other half of the sisters sipping on her Espresso Martini, “we drink anything!”. Her husband nodded in agreement.
I sucked on the straw of my water bottle. Like-a-wine-expert. The water felt smooth, cool and refreshing.
The glass that had prompted the wine expert comment, contained a craft pale ale. I lifted the glass into the air and looked at the softly glowing, hazy golden liquid, topped with a fine white head. Soft carbonation. I take another sniff. This time more consciously than the last time. Notes of citrus peel, predominantly lime, and rosemary. Resinous and zingy. Lemon and some faint honeydew melon. I notice the small bursts of carbon dioxide hit my nose.
I look over to the husband. “Yeah, ok I guess” he said putting the glass back down. We move on with our conversation, with our day.
Like-a-wine-expert. Why does this comment bother me so much?
I take a big gulp from the warm water. 28,1°C. 1600 mg/l CO2. [i] The natural carbonation tickles me. The husband takes one sniff and pulls a face.
61,5°C with 550 mg/l of CO2[ii]. “Bit hot this…” I shake my head in an unsuccessful attempt to cool the water I just swallowed.
We change direction. I chat with my mum while we walk. I haven’t been on holiday with her for years. I relish the feeling. The husband and the #DesignatedResponsibleAdult walk in front of us. It’s a sunny day and I’m taken aback by how busy the streets of Karlovy Vary are. There are people everywhere. Granted the Mezinárodní filmový festival Karlovy Vary, or Karlovy Vary International Film Festival is in full swing while we stroll around, but still.
The region has history. Family history. Fragile memories.
The stone Mlýnská kolonáda[iii], or Mill Colonnade provides a cooling place to rest. Its Pseudo-Renaissance style stands in stark contrast to the cast iron neo-Baroque Hlavní kolonáda[iv] of Mariánské Lázně.
Along the way we pass another publicly accessible spring. 44,9°C. 650 mg/l of CO2[v] . I think I prefer the taste of the water from the first one we tried.
A few hours later we’re back in Mariánské Lázně. There is more history here.
I inhale the cooling forest evening air deeply. I want to bottle the smell, it’s so comforting. So refreshing. So calming. Oh so very inspiring. I watch the slender fir trees sway gently in the breeze. Left to right. Right to left. I take another breath. The slow dance of the tree trunks is mesmerizing.
My grandmother used to refer to sparkling water as Sprudel. I love that word. It perfectly describes the action of the CO2 bubbles rising. It’s a word you can stretch out slowly and it seems to bounce back to its original size. Sorry sparkling water, but you ain’t cutting it for me. Yet, the word sparkling comes with its own beauty – glistening little beads popping into thin air. Sparkling water sounds rapid, fast-paced. Sprudel is a gentler suggestion, slowly bubbling away.
I am in Pilsner country and I’m reading a book on natural wine. Sacrilege? You be the judge. The cool forest air blows across my face. Wine making and beer brewing are not so different after all, it all depends on the person behind it. Mass-produced beverages to get the nations drunk. Hand-crafted drinks for the ones who prefer those. A drink for any occasion.
Bohemia, the largest historical region of the Czech Republic occupies a large part of my heart. Whenever I visit I feel at home. The food, the wine, the beer and, indeed, the mineral water. Pilsner is a sure sign that the gods love us, and a Bohemian Müller-Thurgau with its low acidity and fresh fruity aromas just smells of paradise.
Like-a-wine-expert.
There it is again in my head – going round and round. I’m not bothered by the way she said it. Her reasons for being at the beer festival were clearly different to mine. I accept that. Yet, those four words seem to stay with me.
Somehow, this vino sister had manged to drive a stake into my world of drinking and thinking. It was like craft beer and wine (drinkers) aren’t supposed to mix in the same circles, yet there she was sipping on a cocktail at a craft beer festival.
Maybe I find the bare idea of a wine expert impertinent… The simple act of smelling something you’re about to consumer is surely one of the key elements of survival. Yet, seeing someone do this consciously at a drinks festival seems to insinuate Schrödinger’s Cat responses of “Oh, fancy you…” – simultaneously awe-inspiring and sarcastic.
I love to fuss over my drinks. Hand to heart – I love teasing out aromas and flavours. I love the often-painful exercise of find the right to word to describe what I’m sensing. Is this super ripe gooseberry? Kiwi? Does this taste like cigar smoke? This is orchard floor in late August… and this is a dusty gravel path in the middle of corn fields. I play this out in my head whenever I intentionally drink something, but I don’t always say things out loud. Descriptions don’t always have to be said or written down. Its all about making connections.
“No, it’s a Pilsner, NOT a lager” she said as she sat back down.
A few days ago, I visited a new bottle shop I had been dying to go to. This little gem has won serval awards from both SIBA[vi] and CAMRA[vii] for being THE beer establishment to go and get some brews, so it was only right that I dragged the husband to it at some point.
After switching tables four or five times, one was too shady, one had a wonky leg, one table was wobbly, … you get the idea, we eventually settled down. Craft beer for me, cask ale for the husband.
And then the table next to us blessed our ears with such convincing beer knowledge, I almost spat my craft Saison across the table.
“No, it’s a Pilsner, NOT a lager”. The guy at her table nodded in agreement: “yeah, lagers just ain’t good” “I know, right? That’s why I wanted the Pilsner! Lagers are just cr*p.” “Couldn’t agree more – no one in their right mind would drink that stuff”
I have an issue with others belittling drink choices. I have been trained and know a fair bit about styles, regional variations, production choices, yet I don’t proclaim that a certain style of beer is only drunk by the uneducated, or that the more expensive cider is certainly better than the more economically friendly option. Your drink, your choice. If I am throwing poison down my throat, it should be my choice to which one I ingest.
Unfortunately, some beer[viii] drinkers can be a bit obnoxious, openly calling people out of their choices.
What? I would never drink that! – Are you seriously drinking that? – I wouldn’t even give that to my dog to drink – Can’t afford the good stuff, can you? – Only idiots drink that sh*t! – Dafuq is that?
Those two Pilsner drinkers were clearly here for the craft beer. They snapped photos and uploaded them to various beer rating apps, comparing, taking notes, enjoying. Discussing loudly what others were drinking, bragging about their beer social media badges, and pulling faces when they saw a cask ale drinker.
Beer/Cider/Wine is for everyone, not just the snobs. But before I become a fulltime resident on my soapbox, drinkers who belittle others AND spread misinformation are really getting to me.
I’m not saying that you should carry a copy of the BJCP Beer Style Guidelines[ix] or the latest copy of CAMRA’s Beer Style Guide[x] with you at all times, but knowing whether your brew is a lager or an ale can be helpful in avoiding being perceived as a total kn*b! Especially, if you’re bragging about how OG you are in the Craft Beer World…
And this also goes for you, yes you vino sisters! Drink enjoyment is not about getting blotto – it’s about collecting aromas and tastes, enjoying what brewers, wine producers, cider makers and distillers create – regardless whether they are Big Beer/Cider/Wine/… or your little craft shop down the road.
Traditional beers walk, so craft beers can run. Craft beers walk, so traditional beers can run.
Respect the process.
Oh, and next time your drinking beers, whether traditional or craft:
Watch out for those lagers, will ya?!
Na zdraví!
xx
[i] Karlovy Vary Schlagenquelle 15. Karlsbader Mineralquelle https://www.karlovyvary.cz/de/schlangenquelle [Accessed 24/07/2024]
[ii] Karlovy Vary Libussa Quelle 9. Karlsbader Mineralquelle https://www.karlovyvary.cz/de/libussa-quelle [Accessed 24/07/2024]
[iii] Karlovy Vary Mill Colonnade https://www.karlovyvary.cz/en/mill-colonnade [Accessed 24/07/2024]
[iv] Mariánské Lázně The Colonnade https://www.marianskelazne.cz/en/tourist-attractions/colonnades-and-fountains/the-colonnade/ [Accessed 24/07/2024]
[v] Karlovy Vary Felsenquelle 10. Karlsbader Mineralquelle https://www.karlovyvary.cz/de/felsenquelle [Accessed 24/07/2024]
[vi] SIBA – Society of Independent Brewers https://www.siba.co.uk/ [Accessed 05/08/2024]
[vii] CAMRA – Campaign for Real Ale https://camra.org.uk/ [Accessed 05/08/2024]
[viii] Substitute for wine/spirits/cider/coffee/tea/soda/water/….
[ix] Beer Judge certification Program Beer Style Guidelines https://www.bjcp.org/beer-styles/beer-style-guidelines/ [Accessed 05/08/2024]
[x] CAMRA Learn & Discover The Basics: Beer Styles – Tasting Notes https://camra.org.uk/learn-discover/the-basics/beer-styles/ [Accessed 05/08/2024]
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